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System Upgrade consultancy by an IT Support guy

Dear IT Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the flower, gifts and
jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such
as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable
programs such as Formula One 5.0, NBA 3.0 and World Cup 2.0.

And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply
crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems,
but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate Housewife

========================
Reply:
Dear Desperate Housewife,

First keep in mind:
Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an
operating system.

Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2
to install Guilt 3.0.

If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the
applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence
2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night Teh Tarik 6.1.

Late Night 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav
files.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another
Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash
Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance.
I personally recommend Hot Tasty Food 3.0 and Tongkat Ali 6.9.

Good Luck,
IT Support

Email for Bill Gates

From : Mr. Suresh Singh of Tamil Nadu, India
To: Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft

Subject: Problems with my new computer


Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some
Problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button ’start’ but there is no ’stop’ button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is ‘Run’ in the menu. One of my friends clicked ‘run’ he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to ’sit’, so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any ‘re-scooter’ is available in system? I find only ‘re-cycle’, but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is ‘Find’ button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ‘ find’ button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt ‘Microsoft word’ now he wants to learn ‘Microsoft sentence’, so when you will provide that?

6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows ‘MY Computer’: when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says ‘MY Pictures’ but there is noteven a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is ‘MICROSOFT OFFICE’ what about ‘MICROSOFT HOME’ since I use the PC at home only..

9. You provided ‘My Recent Documents’. When you will provide ‘My Past Documents’?

10. You provide ‘My Network Places’. For God shake please do not provide ‘My Secret Places’. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

11. Why is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS